Embracing Neurodiversity: Life After Autism Diagnosis
“Don’t ever tell a woman that she is overreacting, okay? This is my reaction, which means that I am reacting perfectly.”
“You’re overreacting, stop being so dramatic, there’s always something with you, it’s not that big of a deal” - all phrases I’ve heard most of my life. When trying on clothes in stores. Gosh, that fabric… I can still feel it itch against my skin. When going to school. The blouse of my uniform wrapped so tight around my neck that I felt like fainting most days. Or the sheer panic I would feel when I noticed someone had taken my spot and the constant Roller-Coaster-Tycoon-like sounds I couldn’t block out no matter how hard I tried. And let’s not even open that can of worms of social interactions and constantly feeling like you’re on the outside of a conversation looking in instead of part of it. Or the jokes that everyone seemed to laugh about and instantly seemed to get while I sat there confused, thinking: “What’s the punchline? How is this funny”. No one else seemed to experience this. Was I actually being dramatic? At the time, I thought so. So I did what I had done all my life to that point - I masked all my feelings away. Of course, at the time, I didn't know it was called that. Subconsciously I let others decide what I felt comfortable with, how to behave, and what my boundaries were. I studied other people and copied their behavior - “because if others are doing it this way, that MUST be the correct way to act, right?”.
Fast forward many years, and multiple misdiagnosed anxiety disorders later, it turns out I'm autistic. For the first time, I found a therapist that asked the right questions, took me seriously, and made me feel understood. It was only then that I realized my pickiness regarding clothes, food, sounds, and many other mundane aspects of life wasn’t because I was difficult. It was just because my brain was wired differently.
It’s been a year since I received my official diagnosis. It’s been a ride of constant overanalysis, research, and, not going to lie - headaches. But it has also been a year of clarity, understanding, and belonging. If I had to describe the feeling, it’s going over my entire belief system and memories and categorizing them into new, updated files.
I’ve learned a lot this past year, and maybe these points can help you navigate your next steps. If you’re newly diagnosed or want to know more about what you can do after an autism diagnosis as an adult, this is for you:
Let’s go - Here are some steps to consider after you’re diagnosed autistic as an adult:
To Tell Or Not To Tell?
First of all, you got a diagnosis. Congratulations! This is a big step, and I know it’s been a challenging journey. Please remember that even if you don’t have a professional diagnosis and you self-diagnosed, your feelings and your experience are 100% valid. There are many reasons why people don’t seek an official diagnosis, and if that path works for you, then that’s the only thing that matters.
That being said, it’s important to determine your first next step. Are you going to tell people, or do you want to keep this new information to yourself for a bit? Both options are valid, and there is no correct answer to this question. The only advice I want to give you is that you don’t rush anything. There is no hurry, and make sure that whatever you decide to do, is something that you feel comfortable with. I’ve always been someone that tends to overshare. So when I got my diagnosis, I went to Instagram and posted a whole paragraph about my new discovery. I don’t necessarily regret it, but looking back, it felt more like sharing information about an unrelated third party rather than sharing an essential piece of information about me. Even though I felt validated for the first time in my life, I wish I had let it sink in for a second before sharing it with others. On the other hand, it also encouraged others to open up to me about their mental health, strengthening my bond and the sense of community I felt around me.
2. Seek Support and Education
Now that you’ve decided what your first next step is, it is crucial to research (let’s be honest - you were probably planning on doing that anyway ) and seek support. Connect with autism groups, where you can share experiences, gain insights, and find a sense of community. Educate yourself about autism, its traits, challenges, and strengths. This knowledge will empower you to understand yourself better and communicate your needs effectively.
Part of my diagnosis was an autism support group led by a psychologist where we shared stories and did some group exercises. For me, this was a perfect way to talk to my peers and get introduced to the world of autism. At first, I didn’t want to do it, by the way. However, I knew it would be good for me to speak to people with the same experience. If this isn’t possible for you, there are a lot of Autistic TikTok creators you can follow who share their experiences. There are also books, podcasts, and Youtube videos. Find something that works for you and that you also enjoy consuming. However, be careful that you don’t overdo it. A big part of autism, as you probably know, is hyper fixation and special interests, and while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You may exhaust yourself with too much information at once. Try to pick one thing to incorporate into your daily routine and start with that so you don’t get overwhelmed.
3. Build a Support Network
I know making friends as an autistic person is difficult. Mainly because you see and experience things differently than other people, so it’s difficult to find that connection you’re looking for. However, surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and professionals who understand and respect your neurodiversity can make a significant difference. In my opinion, quality is always more important than quantity, so even if you have only one friend, significant other, or family member that is there for you, that is all you need.
The most important part is that YOU decide what you need. If you struggle with certain aspects of life, seek out a therapist, counselor, or coach experienced in working with autistic adults to provide guidance and assistance tailored to your specific needs. I’ve learned communication is key here, and I know that’s probably the most difficult part of this process. However, you need to tell people around you what you need and what works for you.
4. Develop Coping Strategies
By now, I’m sure you’ve probably done some research and found out why you struggle with certain aspects of life that others don’t seem to be struggling with. Understanding and managing sensory sensitivities, social interactions, and other challenges can greatly enhance your well-being. Identify your specific sensitivities and develop coping strategies that work for you. This may include creating a sensory-friendly environment, establishing routines, practicing self-care, and learning effective communication techniques to navigate social situations.
Remember, no is a full sentence, and so is; let me get back to you, and I’ll let you know. Only do what works for you.
5. Embrace Self-Advocacy
In my opinion, this is the most important but confronting step: recognize that you have a voice and the right to advocate for yourself. Now that you know you’re autistic, you will, consciously or not, start to unmask more. That means you will start acting more autistic, and people will notice this. That makes this part of your process really challenging because you will have to advocate and assertively communicate your needs, accommodations, and preferences. Some people in your surroundings will have some issues with this, and as a result, your friend circle might decrease in size. This is painful, I know. But remember, by advocating for yourself, you will create environments and relationships that truly support you, your well-being and maximize your potential.
6. Explore Therapy
As a final step, consider exploring therapy that can aid in your personal development and help address specific challenges related to autism. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), occupational therapy, speech therapy, and others can provide valuable tools and strategies to enhance your daily life and overall functioning. I’ve included this as a final step because my therapist recommended seeing for myself what I need help with before going back to therapy. If you’re reading this as an autistic person, a good chance is that one of your talents is being perceptive, which means that by doing research and self-reflection, you can already determine many things for yourself. Try to document what it is in your daily life that you seem to struggle with and also what it is that you want to change. Not everything you struggle with is something you need to change. For example, I don’t like being in big groups. If this would interfere with my daily life, I could try to work on it. But I don’t see the need for that, so I let it be and hang out with people one-on-one.
When it comes to autism, there is no one-size-fits-all, so you can only determine what works for you, communicate it to your surroundings, and build a strong foundation around you.
Remember, each person's journey is unique, and it's important to find what works best for YOU. If you have any questions, need someone to talk to or have something to add - you know where to find me ♡
