A nightmare on job interview lane – Part 12
Job interviews, you can’t have a job without one. Unless you know people that will automatically hand you one. If you are one of those people, then this post isn’t for you. Who is this post for then you might wonder? This post is for those people that are just like Lorelai Gilmore, and me. People whose brain is just filled with scary jungle gibberish, and I guess, also for the people that don’t have any problems with job interviews and are great at first impressions and are happy that they are not me.
My resume is styled to perfection, if I say so myself. It took me over 5 hours to get everything completely right, as Photoshop is the devil, and since I wanted to stand out, everything needed to be great. Something about “showing your unique selling point,” the internet said, so that’s what I did, and let me tell you, it works. Since I changed my resume into a work of art, I get invited to interviews for most jobs that I’ve applied for. During the meeting, I always get told how wonderful my resume is. Then why don’t you have a job? – Is a question that will probably come to mind at this moment. Interviews require me to open my mouth, and whatever comes out at that point sounds as follows:
While this is happening, the interviewer is just looking at me like Rory just did at Lorelai.
May I please add that this not only happens when I’m at a job interview, so if you have ever spoken to me in person and I randomly say, “what was I talking about again?” – it’s probably not that I’m not interested in the conversation I am just five topics further in my mind than we are talking about at the moment and I have no clue at what point in the story I lost track of my thoughts.
Now I finally understand my mother when she says “You know it’s not your looks that keep them away right?” whenever I speak.
I remember the worst interview I have ever had. It was two years ago, and I had applied for a graduate trainee program at a London Luxury Department Store starting with the letter H. Now, people think Skype interviews are bad, but at least during a Skype interview, there is an actual conversation and a dialogue going on. At this interview, there was not. I was asked to click on a link that gives them access to my webcam and I get to hear pre-recorded questions that you have 30 seconds to read, and 1 minute to answer. Not only are these questions pretty difficult, but you also have to watch yourself answer them while a clock in the right-end corner of your screen is counting down the seconds.
Thinking back my interview must have gone something like this: “Her accent is really British (60, 59, 58). I wonder if they want me to answer in a British accent? (57,56,55) I probably shouldn’t try (54,53,52). What if they hear me talk and they don’t like my accent (51, 50, 49) Do British people not like Americans? (48,47,46) I really should ask that next time I talk to a British person (45,44). Do I know any British people? (43, 42, 41) Oh, wait I’m actually seeing one, silly me (39,38). My stepdad always says that my accent is so strong people probably don’t understand what I’m saying half the time (37,36,). Wait, does the guy that I’m seeing not understand me? (35,34). Maybe that is the reason that he still likes me because he has no clue what I’m on about half of the time, and just nods every time I say something (33, 32). I should ask him this as well (31). Wasn’t I doing something? Oh, *** the interview!! This question is really hard (30, 29, 28). Oh no, the clock! Right… ok… I still have time(27, 26) Stop thinking about the clock and focus on the question!!! ( 25,24,23) Ok uhm.. give an example where you have shown leadership in the past (22,21,20) I don’t know! ok, where have I worked again??? (19,18) Why did I wear this blouse? it makes my face look bloated… I look like a chipmunk (17,16, 15). Don’t forget the question.! okay, focus now, really really focus (14,13,12,11). Oh, I’m totally freaking out! (10,9,8) Is my face showing that I’m freaking out (7,6) Yes, it is it totally is I can actually see myself panicking. Why am I doing this again? (5, 4) No I have 3 seconds left this is so not working ok let’s just wing it!
Well, there were eight questions in that interview. I believe this was the first time where I started something and just gave up. I got to question four and after realizing that I actually said the word f*ck out loud, I just closed my computer and thought “never mind”…
Yesterday I had not one, but two of these delightful events added to my life, and let’s just say after seeing those Rory faces again coming from three different people, I don’t think it was a huge success.
I’m not giving up, though.
Let’s go lucky, number 13!
