Give Me a Sign
“I got all these thoughts, running through my mind, all the damn time.”
I paid little attention to horoscopes and zodiac signs. There’s something significantly limiting to believing that your personality is set by the month you were born. Like everything was already planned, written in the stars, if you may, from the beginning. However, after coming across a couple of Instagram accounts that pretty accurately described my personality, I was intrigued.
I was born at the end of September, making me a libra. When I look this up on the internet, the first thing I see is: “Libras are some of the most interesting and clever people around, and they have a lot to offer.” Not going to argue with that one. Let’s continue reading... “Libras are known for being charming, beautiful, and well-balanced. They thrive on making things orderly and aesthetically pleasing”. Still no argument there.
“Libras need to surround themselves with stunning objects and create environments that reflect their exquisite tastes.” That would explain my extravagant taste in fashion and vacations. Now, let’s keep this fair, shall we (also apparently a Libra personality trait) and name some of the negative aspects of being a Libran. Am I Indecisive? Sure. Am I Naïve? Definitely. Am I ambivalent? Absolutely so.
However, this part stood out to me: “Libra is an extrovert who can easily be in the limelight of every company. They are active and charming, so it does not take much effort for them to attract attention. They enjoy spending time with other people and always strive for socializing”. I would never call myself an extrovert. Even though people have recently told me that they would never expect me to have an anxiety disorder because I seem very laid-back and social. Would that mean that I have seen myself as an introvert, but maybe not? All the other personality traits seem pretty accurate. So, would there be a different reason why I see myself as an introvert, but maybe I might not be deep down?
Growing up, people just used to call me weird. And not even in an “oh, you’re weird because you like to play dungeons and dragons in your basement kind of weird. No, it was more a “wow, you’re really weird.” Like I would meet someone at a party and try to talk to them about the meaning of life. I guess when you’re 14 that will automatically put you in the “super weird” category. I remember that moment vividly. This guy I had never met before just called me out like that in a group setting. Was this the moment I shut off and decided to prefer my own company?
Not sure. Now thinking about it, I moved around a lot as a kid. I spend a lot of time by myself. My mom would have me wait at the cafeteria of the conservatorium while she had classes. An hour later, I would be in the exact same spot as she had left me. Under the table, reading a book.
That brings me to another Libra personality trait - easily adaptable. I don’t care what restaurant we go to. I don’t have a particular preference for what band we see at a festival, and I change clothing styles depending on the TV show I stream. I’m currently watching Desperate Housewives, so I wear pearls and colorful dresses because I want to be Bree van De Kamp. But watch me rapidly take out those ripped skinny jeans and eyeliner when I switch to Skins.
But if we go come back to the question at hand, “that go with the flow” mentality, is it an aspect of being easy-going, or is it more “a need to please others” coming from a subconscious fear of rejection? Do I not care? Or has anxiety subconsciously taught me not to have a preference because I’m scared my ideas won’t be accepted?
It’s difficult being a libra with anxiety. Feeling like the baddest b*tch in town one second and getting shot down by my own mind the next. Let me sit on this being an extrovert idea and get back to you. Maybe my inner Freud will have some opinions on the matter.
To be continued…
