My First Experience with EMDR Therapy
“Recovery is not one and done. It is a lifelong journey that takes place one day, one step at a time.”
October 10th is World Mental Health Day. This day is meant to raise awareness on issues regarding well-being, and the ways we can support anyone that's struggling. As someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, I’m happy we as a society are finally starting to open up and feel comfortable sharing our struggles with the people around us. I think it’s time to talk about mental health.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for quite some time now. Mostly, we talk about how I can turn off the voices in my head saying I’m not good enough or how I can let go of situations I have no control over. But last week, while we were talking about some of my memories from my childhood years, she asked me something I never realized before. And just like that, trauma was added to my list of struggles.
Of course, it didn’t come as much of a surprise. I always knew some memories stuck with me more vividly than others, but I never considered this particular situation as traumatic. I’m going to spare you the details but let’s just keep it at 15-year-old girls suck. So, to help me overcome this newly found trauma, my therapist recommended I try something called EMDR therapy treatment. I had my first session last week.
Before we move on, let’s first talk about what EMDR is:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an approach to treating trauma and other symptoms. By reconnecting a person to the images, self-thoughts, emotions, and body sensations associated with the trauma, these memories will eventually no longer induce negative feelings and distressing symptoms.
Now that we are all informed, we can move on with the story ;)
I’m not going to lie; I was pretty nervous. I didn’t do a lot of research beforehand because I knew I would only get more anxious. So, I just let it be. I was also a little reluctant about the effectiveness of the therapy because I felt you are tricking your brain into thinking something you want it to think… and if you’re aware of that, it can’t possibly work, right? Wrong.
When I walked into my therapist's office, I first noticed the thin horizontal screen she had placed on the table. Later on, I would find out that this was a monitor that would flash a blue light from left to right, and I had to follow its every move with my eyes. Secondly, I noticed two small square panels I was asked to hold in my hands during the session. Lastly, I saw the headphones that would play a loud constant beeping sound.
The session started with my therapist asking me to visualize the exact situation that gave me an almost locked feeling in my body. Afterward, she started asking me questions about what I saw and what I felt. When I described my memory in every detail I could remember, the panels in my hands started vibrating, the blue light started moving, and my ears met the beeping sound coming out of the headphones. This process repeated a couple of times until the tension in my body felt lighter, and memory began to fade away.
Afterward, I felt relieved. It’s a pretty odd feeling that a situation you remembered in such detail started to feel fuzzy. When I started the session, I knew exactly what happened in my memory. I knew what was said. I knew where everyone was standing. I could even remember the colors and the sounds. Now, I was still aware of it all, but it almost felt meaningless. It’s like this whole EMDR experience just sucked out all the emotion out of my memory.
The next couple of days, I felt tired but also a little free in a sense. I still believe I subconsciously tricked my brain into letting go of those feelings and replacing them with more positive emotions, but I decided to see it as an accomplishment. Even if it was some sort of trick, it is something that I did. I let go of a part of my past, and let me tell you, it feels great.
Next session? Bring it on!
